why do i cry?

i need to get away. like im not even kidding. i hate everyone, and everything down here, and everywhere. im serioulsy starting to hate everyone. i dont even know why.
i wanna go to the river this weekend, but then i dont cause i want someone to go with, but then i kinda wanna be alone. i dont even know. ive got likee, 4 days to figure this shit out.
hmmm
stay in fulllerton with tori and everyone and probally be bored at the structure all the time, BUT go to suscide silenceeee with jamie and brandi at the slidebar saturday with hopefully more people, and be around my friends?
OR, do i go to the river with either myself, or a friend and ride the rihno and get away from all the bullshit in orange county, well califorina all together?
ill figure it out.

i cant belive brad's trying to come back in my life.. after all the shit he fucking put me through he has the nerve to come back in my life, or try too? but whats weird is after all that shit thats happend i still got the same butterflies i had a year ago when i met him, when i liked him. i dont know why i have those feelings again. i tried to push them out of my mind but they wouldnt go away. i should hate him for everything he did to me, but i cant :/ he said "i still have feelings for you:) and you know everything happens for a reason." so does this mean were kinda ment to be together? cause like, what the fuck i broke up with them a year ago, then tried getting back with him and it just didnt work out, then a year later he comes back and i still have the feelings ive had before, like does this mean were supposto be together or something? isnt there a saying like let them go if they come back its ment to be, or something like that? i guess this fits right where im at.. fuck. i dont know. and i guess there's another girl whos trying to get at him and im so pissed about it for some reason. like, i dont know why im jealous. i dont get jealous that easy anymore. well i kinda do, but not as much as i was when he told me some sophmore in college is trying to get at him. why the fuck wont these feelings go away?! WHY?!
and to top this all off i think im getting addicted to something i shouldnt be again ): i need help. i reallyyy do.
i just wish everything made sense for once.