as loser can win whenever he wants too, all he has to do is bring you down.

i was thinking a little too much today.
i really want to just get up, pack all my shit and leave. somewhere far. but then again i cant leave everyone i love behind.
i cant stay away from my parents, and my bestfriends. but i really cant stand another second in this god damn town. i hate it here. i hate everyone down here. i seriously dont hate like 20 people out of everyone i know. everyone else can honestly fuck off. i wanna go up to the IE. just a little house around fields and fields of nothing. just me, myself and i. i need to get away. i wanna go back up to hemet and with all those people. i feel so happy when im up there. i feel like im free. i feel like nothing else matters. and thats what makes me happy. knowing im away from all the bullshit and the people down here makes me happy. and thats fucking sad that i cant be happy unless im away from all my "friends" and the city i live in. i think its time for a vacation, i think its time to go to the river. i think i need some ME time. or at least me and tori go back up to hemet and stay the weekend up there, hangout with the boys, drink, laugh and spend the night with the boys we like and juss be happy. i hope we can this weekend.
speaking of boys, those nasty pigs. i hate them, ALL OF THEM! besides kyle. i like this boy who lives kinda far and i kinda fuckedup by telling someone i THOUGHT i could trust that me and him kissed and she told other people and he got all weird about it. we didnt kiss last time i was up there and he was kinda weird at first but i fell asleep on him in the car and we flirted and it was all cute and shit. ksfhalkfa. im actually starting to like him. last time i saw him it was just like eh whatever i didnt think he was that cute and shit and we talked about my friend he hookedup with a while ago. after the first time i met him and he was telling me he dosent date girls unless they really catch his attention cause hes been heartbroken before and stuff. and like after last time hanging out with him im just kinda like.. oh fuck i actually do like him. i get all happy when he texts me, i wait for him to reply and when its anyone else im like go away ! when i was up there with him and i fell asleep on him in the car i got mad butterflies like just him having his arm around me and stuff and like we were walking out of this pool hall and he grabbed my shoulders and got all close and ahhh i was like why is my stomach feeling this way? its a good feeling though. i just dont know whats going on. yesturday we flirted and it was cute but i dont know. im scared of getting hurt ): and its weird cause hes the only boy im really focused on right now.. why does this ALWAYS happen to me? like why? can someone please tell me? this is a sign from god that im gonna be sngle for the rest of my fucking life. no joke. i swear to jesus fucking christ im gonna be single foeverrr and ever. ha, FML :l