saleouts always die

yeah, too bad im not dead yet. HA.
well actually im not a fucking saleout so fuck you.
ive never said im "straight edge" ive juss said i DONT like weed and i dont smoke it.
and today yes i did smoke weeed. thats not saling out. it might be but WHATTHEFUCKEVER. i dont do it regualaryi havent done it in forever like 6 months before this, and like before that i didnt smoke in years & after today its safe to say im never gonna fucking doing it again. i took three hits and i couldnt function. i went to get a water cup and i couldnt walk straight, i couldnt see straight. christina had to fucking hold me as i was walking. it was so hard to walk up the stairs. my 4th period class sat outside with our pilliows and books and i couldnt even read without feeling like the whole world was spinning, so i went to the restroom and right as i walk in i throw up. i threw up twice & i was in the bathroom for like 15 minutes and the teacher and the fron office lady came and got me and i couldnt walk, they called my mom and i fell asleeep on the chair in the front office and i kept thinking & dreaming of weird things and everything hurt and was weird and i got home and threw up three more times and than i fell asleeep and i had a werid dream. i woke up crying. whatthefuck, this is the worst trip ive ever had. my mom was gonna take me to the doctors and im glad i didnt cause i told her i was high & she was freaking out. fuck weeeed, fuck it. i fucking hate it. im like never gonna smoke that shit again. it was probally laced with something. fuuuuck i still feeel like shit, this is so lame >:l ahfjajkgfa!

so yeah, imstarting to look at the brighter side of things & im quite happpy now.

dont judge a book by its cover

DONT CALL ME A SLUT. YOU DONT FUCKING KNOW ME.
you dont know my boy sitaution
juss because imma 'flirt' dosent mean shit.
so fuck you.
if you know me, you'll know im not a fucking slut.
so i think you should suck my dick, CHOKE, & dieee(;

yeah? kaythanks.





blah, so ive come to the conclusion im nice to everyone because of my past.
because ive been tormented, and treated like shit the past couple years i wouldnt ever put someone through the same shit i was put through.
i hate looking back on my past, and seeing how weak i was.
but people breaking me makes me stronger. i guess.






i need new friends.
the people i hang out with are all losers, besides like brandi & tori.
i need a new crowd to hang out with, not stoner alacholics either.
FUCK, i want ali to come down already /:

swoooop

these past couple days ive been really happpy.
IM UNBREAKABLE! no ones gonna bring me down now (:
its funny how one person can bring you so much joy in the amount of a couple days.
fuuuck, i love ali!
i wanna go to a show, i hope there's good ones comming up

boooomboooom

i like how music sets my moood.
im not gonna listen to sad deppressing music anymore.
bahaha, not like i purposly do, like if a sad song come on, fuuuuck it imma change it.
latley ive been listening to music that makes me dance, & it makes me quite happy.
it makes me think of happy thoughts, and not like the stupid shit.



so ive come to conclusion that mostly all the boys i know or talk too are man whores! like straight up man whores. & i dont need them. i dont even need boy right now. i have schoool, and friends to worrry about. not a stupid boy who's juss gonna hurt me in the end. i have ALOT of time to find that one boy. and right now, in this generation there all the same. bahahahaha! so fuck it(;




i need a yob! where should i work? hahaha im not the working type at all, im so lazy

runaway.

i wanna get away!
i wanna leave this shitty town, & get away from everyone and everything.
i wanna go to the mountains, or the river, or somewhere FAR!
imma bring either brandi or ali.
and have a goood talk about everything.
i really juss wanna get away for a while.

i made a new friend (:
were gonna become besties when she moves back down here.
we know the same people, her ex is my gooood friend, and we have the same problems.
i love telling people my problems who know nothing about whats going on, and kinda know the person im having a problem with, cause i get goood advice.
i reliaze when i dont have my phone i have time to think to myself and i start to reliaze and discover things, some things i dont wanna reliaze but its gonna help me out in the end.



straight up, i need excitement in my life.

my hopes are always so high, and set on one thing, and one way or another they always seem to get crushed //:
i always go for the wrong boys. i always go for the "bad asses" and the man whores and the reallly fucking hot ones that everyone drulls over. i seem to get fucked over in the end. sadly i KNOW imma get fucked over but i still risk it. i know i shouldnt cause i always end up crying and than regretting ever liking that person. you'd think i'd learn the first time. ha, guess not.
there's no one out there i know imma be in a relationship cause they all juss wanna fucking hit it and quit it and im not gonna give in to that. i needta stop saying how bad i wanna bang this one boy at my school, cause now that all he wants. shitshitshitshit.



not having my phone kinda like a stress reliver, so now im not texting all these boys and getting confused. mm, wait that sounded like imma slut or something! hahah, chit i hope people dont take that the wrong way.
i needta go boy shoppping.
mm, ill juss buy a cute boy on ebay(:

suspended, & no phone. fucking cool dude.
i love how i dont text THIS time and i get it taken away for a couple months and get suspened.
asfjkahfkuahfka! fuckfuckfuckityfuckfuck.
>:/
i hate sitting on the computer and looking to the left and not seeing boo there.
but she's in a better place i guess and i should be happy she's not in pain anymore but like whaa the fuck. i NEVER thought she'd actually have to go. i gess this is life, and imma have to deal with it.


i hate looking at my friends and seeing how skinny and gorgoues they are, and how they get alll the boys. like god damn. at some points i dont like standing next to them.
but i guess i gotta take they way i look and try to make it the best. if that makes sense.
i want my frecklas to all go away and for me to lose some weight. //: bahhasjfdhasjkfa

i put boo down today :/
i never thought id actually have to put her to sleeep.
i come home all happy and she tells me were putting her down.
great fucking way to start of this "amazing weekend"
that dog was my first dog, and ah. i dont wanna start gettting into it cause ill starting crying and i dont wanna cry )):
"your not going on a walk.. well a very loooong walk"

i fucking hate when people dont tell you what you did wrong, they juss stop talking to you. yeah thats so fucking cool.
i shoulda known your nothing specail. it juss sucks i got my hopes up for nothing.
boys are overrrated anyway. i dont need them.
but i do want one(:
hopefully things work out this time. fack.

i felt weird today, like something was wrong with me but i didnt know what it was. and when i thought of certian things i tummy would either get a bad feeling or a good feeling. yeah i know that sounds weird but its true. like i dont know wha the fack is wrong with me but its something. and its weird cause im not sick for once i feel fine until i think of certian things than it starts to feeel funny.
im giving up on him. i know i shouldnt but i am.
im over waiting. that shows how impaitent i am, ha.


i hate how people change, in the amount of like a year.
its weird looking at him, and texting him about all the crazy shit we did when we were bestfriends. things change, and so do people. :/

wow, i reliazed i had the best thing i could get and i didnt want it anymore because he wasnt "bad" enough. he was too nice for me.
and now i lost him. i texted him asking what would he say if i told him i wanted him back, and he said honeslty idk.. so i fucked up my chance :l
asfhkalfhaga;
but i'm talking to ricky, but he's a man whore and i havent talked him in like four days, and like he dosent have a cell phone, he calls me off his house and i called him and he didnt answer cause he wakes up and leaves and he'll call me late at night, and have hours conversations but we havent, and its making me like whaaaa the fuck? i dont even know cause like i cant hook up with anyone else cause he'll get mad, so im not hooking up with anyone else, and like i havent talked to him. so i wannna fucking know if im wasting me time or not.
asdfghjklllkjhgskfhas;
i guess ill just have wait but i dont wanna wait ):
bah!


i have no exicement in my life anymore. i need some.
the sober life is boring, bahahahahahahaha.
but i dont wanan do drugs, maybe drink one more time.
i havent gotten fucked up since like fourth of july. yeeeeah.




disneyland on the 19th<3

its always good to get back old friends (:
i got vee back.
i got her back, and now im not letting go.
we sat at the bpm on a bench for two fucking hours crying and listening to hands.
today was our 11 months <3
i reallly missed her.
i have a feeeling everythings gonna go back to the way things were.
and i like it.


and i guesss me and vince are cool, which is a plus.
lets seee how things go, ha.
but im hoping things work out.








i havent talked to ricky, or brandi all day )):
and it made me sad.
baaah, i hope i hang out with ricky tommmorw.
asdtgjasdhagfjdasfaa;
texting ex boyfriends is kinda weird but funnnn, i guess.
woahahahahahahahahahaha.

i love when people give up.
it makes me laugh.
i didnt do shit.
and all of a sudden you tell me your giving up?
wow, cool.
like i even care.
BAHAHAHAHAH.



hung out with ryanfaggotface, and mikethecocksuckingslut.
they make me laugh.
escipally ryan.
i suck at gituar hero, i cant even beat easy.
the shows how worthless i am to this world, bahahahaaha.
but imma eskimo! who makes coool sound effects (:
yeeeeee.


i didnt talk to brandi all day today )):
it made me sad.
i feel weird not talking to her, gah.



so ricky basically ditched me.
nice way of showing how much you "like me"
askhdlakfhlaskhfahlsfhafkhaf;
he's gonna call me blaming this ish on meeeh.

i really miss vee.
were going to disney land on monday i think.
ah, i know when we hang out everythings gonna be okay.
i listened to the adventure and i cried so hard ):
i know im not making an effort anymore, but its only cause i know if i try and be close again she's gonna go leave me for vince like she did.
and i think im juss saving the hurt for something else.
i dont know.
but i really want things to go back to the way they were.
but i have this feeling we might soon enough.
its almost been a fucking year dude.
holy shit.
wow, that's been the craziest fucking year of my life.
i miss it ):
oh what id give to go back to it.
but thats never gonna happen.





i cant get the fact that people are telling me he's a "man whore"
like what the fuck.
i dont wanna hear that the boy i like is a man whore.
its like making me more insecure cause i dont wanna get hurt.
woah, now im gonna be all ajsfgjkafjaparanoid.
sweeeet.
"/
but these people are telling me cause they care.
i think im hanging out with him tommrow.
ill see whatsup, im gonna have a reallly serious goood talk with that loser.
bahh. this is bugging me now.
fack ))):

i never ment to hurt you, i couldnt put you throught this shit anymore. so i sent this seven page long fucking text that was the cutest fucking shit ever and all you say is okay. its like you didnt fucking care.
than you make me feel like shit.
calling me perfect and shit. you KNOW how hard it was for me to just end everything with you and you asdkasjgfkasfjasfa;
fuck dude.
its like you wanna fucking hurt me. well CONGRAULATION YOU FUCKING SUCCEDED.
"your juss like everyone else.
i cant believe that i stayed so unhappy for so long."



i hung out with my new lover last night (:
he's like bah cute! with his amazing flannel that i stole and his cute nerd glasses.
ah and he's freaking halarious when he was singing and dancing in the car.
i couldnt stop laughing.
and he made me smile when he kept calling me cute and he would grab me and my hand and he was juss being all cute.
but he's stupid for getting high )):
oh welllll. he's still amazing.
wait, calling him amazing's an understatment.<3
BUT i dont wanna rush into a relationship.
that was my last mistake. im gonna wait and see what happens.
plus i dont think im ready for a boyfriend.
i dont know.
OH and i hung out with this guy evan tooo, and he's my other lover (;
hahahaha. "im not trying to earn my red wings!" hahahahahaahah.


my bestfriends starting college in a couple days or something i dont know when but im like scared that im gonna lose her.
like, she wont have anymore time for me she'lll be too busy for schoool.
were INSERAPABLE right now and i like it and if we like dont hang out as much i have a feeeling well fall apart, even though we text EVERYSINGLE day. but stilll. like i already lost vee and i cant lose brandi.
kashfafhasfasfhasfas;
i'll juss go kidnap brandi from college and make that shitface hang out with me,(:
hahahahaha.



"did you juss spray your cooch?" hahahahaahhahahaahhaha.
oh my god.
i love my mom.
i never knew she knew what exaclty i was thinking.
she knows more than i thought.
she gave me some good advice, and made me think on the car ride home last night.
it was weird. like she knew exactly what to say. she made my decsion alot harder than needed but her advice helped.










ive come to the conculsion that im gonna look at the glass half fulll, not half empty, & i wont give up.
mm lets see how long that lasts.

mmm, so i like someone new (:
he's pretttty coool.
and REALLLLY cute.
like god damn boy.
hahhahahaa.

we talked for like ever on the phone last night.
he made me smile constinally.
(((:
he's down to earth and super sweeeet.
i said something about not being cute and he made me feeel better.
and he dosent juss sweeet talk.
we talk about alotta things and he opened up to me.
and it made me happpy.


he's supposto come over today but he hasnt callled "/
ah, lameshit.
maybe he'll calll.
im not tooo stressed on it.

if not today ill go seee him tommrow.<3


asjfjkashfjhasfhasfl
i wanna do good in schoool "//
i need to get my shit together dude.
if not im fucked and i wont pass high schoool.
shitshitshitshithshitshitshitshitshitshitshit.

uhm uhm.
"dont look down on me unless your helping me up"
i loooove that quote.







im gonna change.
for the better.
i know everyone says that.
but im actually gonna try.
i need to get my shit together, with school, friends, boys, job and ish.
nlahhaskahsfahfalsfashfhasfasfasfa;;






my lx makes me happy.
its so fun to play with ((:

mmm, SINGLE.
and i already have my eye on someone (;



akshfdakfhklasfas;
break was down.
the river was kinda fun.
me and tori almost died.

"do i go slow or fast"
"slow"
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
hhahahahahahahhahaah.

ooppppsss.

mm, didnt get a new years kisss.
oh wellllll.



HOWIES AND LEFT4DEAD ARE MY NEW FAVIORATE THINGS ((((:
bhahahahahahahahaa.