i hope you dance.

noone will ever understand the weekend i have.
the only one who ill understand is christina cause she was right there with me :)
this weekend was probally one of the best ones i've had in a long time, if not THE best.
i cant even explain what had happened.
lets juss say i went to sleep with a fatty smile on my face, and wokeup with one too.
sleeeepover at dj's are theee best.
me and christina are like closer than ever.
she's the only one ill ever smoke with, she makes me fucking laugh till my stomach hurts.
"do i need a fucking shower?!" "i make it rain on dem ho's!"




i feel so empty right now.
im usually talking to at least one boy, and now im talking to none. its diffrent not talking to a boy.
its goood though,
i dont feel like a sleeezy fucking whore.



i neeed to drop everyone's who's causing me bullshit drama.
i've been in the DONT GIVE A FUCK kinda mood lately. i'm not sure if its bad or not.
i need to lose some weight, shittttt.

the adventure.

"i cannot live i cannot breath unless you do this with me"
i heard those words singing from the computer this morning.
i sat there, than went on my photobucket and saw ALL mine and vee's old picture.
it brought tears to my eyes. GO FIGURE.
but she's happy, so i guess i am too.

i was talking to my friend in one of my classes and we were talking about the past and i reliazed i fuckedup with alot of people. mostly boys. i relaized who was good, when i thought they werent. who i wish i never woulda let go, who hurt me, who didnt, and all this kinds of bullshit. i wish i could say sorry and tell everyone what i think without caring.
but i cant.
:/

i dont even talk to my BESTFRIEND anymore. we've tallked every single day for the past year a hlaf and juss not talking randomly for almost a week is killing me. i need her. fuuuuh. am i loosing her?! shit. i dont even wanna think about that right now.


so, i got stabbed in the eye today with a pencil and it started bleeding.
me and cody were joking and we were play fighting and i had a penicl in my hand and he said to smell my hand cause it smelt like banana's and he hit my hand to my face and my fucking pencil stabbed my in the eye lid and i have a bruised eye lid. it started bleeeding. and than douchebag walked me to christina's house. wow, things between me and him have changed. he's so fucking stupid. like he was saying the stupidest shit and talking about other girls in front of me like WTF. hellllllooo im right there. dont you see when you talk about other girls i get sad? god boys are so fucking blind its patheic.
i was talking to about 6 boys, like TALKINGTALKING. juss having fun, like flirting. and they all slwoly started to fuck me over in the amount of like 3 days..
shit. and this one boy i like alot is talking to some girl but keeps flirting with me kinda. idk >:/ fuuuuck. i need a boy to play with. HAHAHA.

theee only thing im happy about is to see chuck.<3

you are my only one.

i came to the conclusion i only care for ONE boy and that's chuck. he's the only boy who hasnt fucked me over, who's been there for me since day one. he's seen me at my worst, he's seen me at my best. he cares about me than all these other pussywantingdontcareaboutme fuckers. he's the older brother ive always wanted. i know i can turn to him and he'll be there. no matter what. anyday, anytime, anyplace. that boy has ALL my fucking heart. i hate seeing him hurt. ive seen him cry over some dumb cunt. i had to sit on his lap and wrap my arms around his neck while i told him how much i love him and how amazing he is juss to make him smile. he cant be mad at me for more than a goood 5 minutes. im always smiling and laughing around him. i cant help but be happy when i see him. he's THE MOST FUCKING AMAZING PERSON ON THE FUCKING PLANET. & im not even exgraggting. he gives so much and gets nothing in return. ahh i hate seeing him hurt. :( he's my brother and if any cunts fuck with him they'll be 6 feet under. <3


shitballs, i miss my fucking bestfriend. i havent seen that ho in like uhhh a month almost :( what the holy fuck. she's always busy wiff the st00o0opid fullerton assholes and her new "bestfriend"



i hate when boys give mixed singals. i dont know what the fuck to think anymore. & i hate when you cant get over a boy no matter how hard you try, FUUUUCK. i give up.

Demeter the Greek Goddess

i wish i never got so attached, i wish you didnt have that fucking smile, i wish you didnt hold me when you hugged me, i wish you didnt have those amazing eyes, i wish you didnt have that adorable laugh, i wish you werent sucha man whore, i wish i never fucking met you. i FUCKING HATE YOU but than i see you and all these feelings come rushing back to me and i cant help but smile around you. i should have never made the mistake of telling everyone i thought you were cute, or how i wanted you. i should have never went to your house that day. i should have never kissed you, i should have never went in your room, i should have never agreeeded to anything you said. i should have told you i was a virgin so you coulda said no, and i wouldnt have been so fucking attached. i shouldnt have done anything with you. my mistake was looking at your blue eyes and kissing you. once our lips touched i was hoooked. and the sad thing is im attached on you, I FUCKING LIKE YOU MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW and what am i to you? juss another hook up. you even told me. i said okay. but inside i was broken. you dont know what you fucking do to me. you break me down in the hall when you dont say hi, when you dont hug me, when you flirt with other girls in front of me it hurts. no it dosent just hurt it fucking kills. that time you saw me crying at school its cause of YOU! its all cause of you. i broke down twice cause of you. i cant handle seeing you, but when i dont i get sad. so im fucked either fucking way. i should have listened to everyone telling me your a man whore and your juss gonna fuck me over but i decided to listen to my 'heart' and do what i wanted for a change and look where it left me. CRYING EVERY FUCKING NIGHT! yeah i fucking cry evernight cause of you. look what you do to me, and you dont even care. your too busy smoking your weed, getting drunk, and fucking all these other fucking nasty cunts. i cant take it anymore. i dont know what the fuck im gonna do. i cant get anyone else, and i dont want anyone else but YOU! i wont get with another boy. i cant. i dont know what the fuck im gonna fucking do. i'm stuck. i cant take the crying anymore. i feel fucking patheic. ive never once been this attached to a boy. and the sad thing is you DONT like me. you used me to get in my pants. you got what you wanted and left. you told cody you were done with me, than you message me saying how you want me and all this bullshit. stop fucking with me, please :( i cant do this anymore. i honestly wanna fucking move away, far away from you so i never have to see you again. tooo bad i cant live without seeing you. YOU HAVE ME GOING INSANE. stop with the mind games. im loosing all self control. you called me last night at like 11 saying you wanna see me and shit. you werent drunk you were juss high and than you called me at like 1:30, than 2:30 and like 7 times in betweeen. all cause you wanted 'some' welll HEY FUCKER im not your little sex toy you can play with whenever the fuck you want. i have feeelings too. but you dont care. ahhhh. >:/ all i want is for you to know how i feel, and if we keep hooking up you only hook up with ME and actually devolp feelings for me and not keep leading me on. OH and i want my bestfriend here. but she's never around anymore.. ): we dont hang out everyday, i only see her on the weekends. well not recently. i miss her. FUUUUUUCK.