alll i can say is,

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who dont. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, then let it. Nobody said itd be easy they just promised itd be worth it."
<3

wow...

people are telling the boy i want that i have a fucking STD. like really? and i guess it was more than one person.. so obviously my "friends" arent my friends at all. i dont even know what to think anymore. im SO upset by this. its fucking everything up for me. like me and him arent talking, were friends but we flirt and shit and like we were being all cute and than BOOOM i get a texting saying "i heard you have an std..." wow. im so like ah, i dont even know. i wanna cry. like im not crying because hes all werid with me and we probally wont hook up, im upset because people, MY "FRIENDS" are saying I have a fucking STD. how the fuck could you be so fucking low? i have never done anything to anyone to deserve this! nothing. what the fuck did i do to get deserve this? PLEASE, someone, ANYONE tell me what i fucking did. he wont even fucking tell me who the fuck is telling him this bulllshit. ugh, but at least he believes me that i dont have one, and still thinks im cute. that made me happy. but im gonna find out who the FUCK is saying this shit and im gonna fucking chop of thier dicks. ahhh. why do people have me so much? :/

i felt you in my legs, before i even met you.

i really need to get my shit together and graduate..
i keep getting told im not gonna, and its the worst feeling in the world. ive always dreamt about getting the gown, getting all pretty, walking down the isle thing, and getting my dipolma as my mom cries and cheers for me and everyone around me telling me "i knew you could do it bre" but no, im gonna be in high school either another year. or im not gonna graduate at all.. and im just gonna prove everyone who dosent belive in me right.
i wish it was easier.
but its life.
life isnt easy. its the most fucking complicated thing in the fucking worldd!
but ill do it. i know i will. i need hope, and motivation.
:]


i have my eye on a new boy, but i KNOW things arent going anywhere with him. we flirt sorta but eh. hes a weriddd kid.
i juss wanna focus on everything else. i dont wanna get fuckedover again :/
listening to beautiful in the car, the whole song in like forever made me actually kinda happy. usually it makes me really upset and i get in a shitty mood. but i was singing on the top of my lungs and i had a smile the whole time. its a good song, juss the conecpt of him dedicating it to me is shitty.
sometimes i sit and think about him. than the other times i dont ever think about him. i dont know how to feel. i still love that kid with everything i have in me. but it wont ever happen again, and my hopes are so high and they always get crushed with him.
i guess what's done is done
i need to move foward and never look back..
which is impposible for me :/

and,

everythingg is finallly going the way i want it
im FINALLY content, and finally smiling all the time again. im happy.
i got everything i want.
<3

making wishes on 11:11 is BULLSHIT.

everytime i wish on 11:11 it dosent work :/
once in a while ill get what i want, but most of the time i dont.
i guess thats life? yeaaaa. basically..


i GUESS you can say everything's going okay..
i mean me and tori are fighting like nonstop and boys suck but my grades are alot better and im improving so much.
i went to kennedy friday and saw all my old teachers, well most of them and they all told me how proud they are of me and how im doing SO much better and how they knew i ws capable of being smart and getting my stuff done. i was juss caught up in all the drama. i wanted to cry when they told me that. i AM smart, i hate when people dont think i am. i mean yeaaa i say some stupid shit cause im a dumbass when it comes to certian shit but fuck, im not as dumb as a fucking rock. the next person who calls me dumb is getting socked in the face. straight uppp.
boys are so dumbb! me and tori were talking about them and we decided we arent gonna go look for one, and focus on school and shit and the right one will come along eventaully. probally in college but fuck it. i need to focus on other shit right now. so much is going on in my life its ridiciolous. i didnt know a 17 year old girl could have so much weight and stress on her shoulders. and its not all about boys. its school and family shit. like fuuuuuck, i hate when things hit rock bottom cause i feel weak because there isnt anything i can fucking do :/it sucks but i guess i have to live with it!
and tori. well i dont even know what the fuck is going on with her. i dont even wanna get into it either. but i cant lose her :[ id likeee lose all sanity.
aslfkjas;fa

why cant things work out for once? at least for a while. not for a day than turn to shit again.
i guess ill juss stayyy up, stay strong.
for my grandma, and parents. <3