i must confess im a mess.

im a emotianl wreck.
why am i such an emotional person?
i cant explain whats going on with me. i juss wish everything would finally work out for once. i hate crying, i hate thinkin. i over think. i think before i sleep, i think bad things. they cause me horrrrible dreams. i hate waking up crying, or waking up in a bad mood cause my dreams fuckedup my emotions.
i need a crutch, i need someone to hold me all together, i need stablity.
im falling apart slowly, nothings holding me together. im breaking slowly. noone's there to put me back together. im slippin through the cracks. nothings working, nooones helping.
im holding on, how much longer do i have to do this by myself?
im a strong girl, i have to keep my head up. ive been doing so good. ill be dammed if i quot now and thats forsure.


i juss wanna be in love. i want someone to love me for me. i want someone who can deal with me, and my mood swings. i want someone who wont leave me cause i wont give it up. i dont wanna be a sex toy, or a hookup. i wanna be in love for the first time. i want everyone to finally see what i have to offer. i cant do this anymore. im slowly giving up, but i dont want too. even the people who have hard time getting boyfriends/girlfriends are finally happy with thier boys/girls. i feel so alone. seeing my bestfriend with her boyfriend, and how happy she is. than seeing friends at school, or seeing people walking down the street holding hands and being all cute is like ajshfksajfha ughhh. i can be cute with a guy, i can give my boyfriend whatever he wants, i can make him happy. too bad nooone wants to take that offer. maybe its my personaitly. maybe its juss me and who i am that noone wants to be with. yeah im loud and obnixious and annoying sometimes, but when i need to be im shy, and quiet. i juss show my loud side more cause im still a kid. i dont wanna live my life all serious. i wanna have fun. i juss wish someone would like me for me. i dont want a boy to like me cause im "cute" or cause he thinks im gonna give it up. i want him to get to know me and know every detiail about me and than see if he still wants to be with me. what is honestly wrong with me?! i know im not perfect, no where near perfect. i juss want to know whats really wrong with me! like why is it that i cant be anything boys want?! i know im only 17 but fuck ive only had 2 boyfriends my whole fucking life and they didnt last over a month. i have friends, school and family to keep my occupied but sorry i juss want someone to actually love me for once. ive never been in love. i hear everyone talking about how its so amazing to be in love and its the most amazing feelin in the world blah blah blah and im sitting here like yeeeeah, ive never been in love so i dont know how that feels.. ):
i wish i wasnt such a fucking mess.