i finally discovered what makes you tick.

im so fucking bipolar i swear! i looked at the last like 7 blogs i posted, one blog im happy the other im sad, than im happy than im sad, than im happy than im sad than im happy and yeah you get the picture.

but at this moment in time im actually content. im not depressed, but im not like GREAT. im juss in the middle.

goood things:

-i get to spend all weeekend wtih ana again.

-might start to devolp feeelings for this certain boyy, and maybe ill finally get a boyfrienddd.

[not getting my hopes up]

-im losing weighttt.

-im slowly quitting smoking. ive cut down ALOT.

<3333333333333333333333
i juss hope my moood stays this wayy!

i need you here.

my moood swings are comming back and i dont like it.
i lost all my happpiness in the amount of seconds.
i dont know where it went, but i miss it.
i miss smiling, forreal
i miss dancing around and singing.
i miss laughing at the little things
i misss the things that put me in a better mood.
where did you go?
come back. i need my happiness again.

:[









i got told some pretty good advice today..
"bre, dont ever change. please"
<3

and i dont feeel sorry for you.

after alll these months waiting around for you, and hoping you'd love me again well.. fuck that. i got no time for feeling sorry. i said what i had to say, i told you how i felt and you dont give a fuck so why am i gonna wait for a boy who dosent give two shits about me when theres other boys out there who are willing to date me and LOVE ME!? i aint gonna wait forever. maybe when im gone and find another boy you'll reliaze what you lost, yet AGAIN! im done crying over you, im done passing up chnaces with GOOD boys for you. waiting for you, not hooking up with anyone, not dating/talking to anyone from the beggining of fucking summer time till my birthday IN THE MIDDLE SEPTEMBER for you was enough time. im DONEEEE! your gonna fucking regret this. just wait. and if you dont, and you juss dont care that im getting over you well i guess it was my dumbass fault for thinkin youd actually love me again. oh well, your juss another boy on my list. DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE.


i finally found happinessss, and im NOT letting anyone take it from me<3

when everything falls to shit, i know i have you.

i LOOOOOOOVE tori and ana.
those two are my sanity.
they keep me up, they make me a better person.
with those two in my life, i KNOW ill make it through.
:]


with the bad comes the good.
somethings didnt work out as planned, but others did.
i guess im happy<3

and i lied when i said nothing was gonna bring me down.

how the fuck is that you can ALWAYS bring me down?!
you fucking get under my skin.
your the only fucking boy who can fucking do this to me.
you break me down quicker than anyone i know.
one word, one dirty look, one comment, one ANYTHING and i break down and cry.
i cant stand you hating me.
i cant stand you not loving me anymore.
i wish we could go back to like half a year ago when you loved me, and i was able to jump on you and hug you and you'd text me cute things, or let me fall asleep with my head on your shoulder, or let me sit on your lap.
i want you to look at me and know im all yours.


your the first and only boy ive ever fell in love with..
i fucking love you and you dont even know or care.
i guess i give up on this. on trying to win you over.
i fucking give up on trying to prove to you that i wanna be with you. and i wont fuck shit up again.
but fuck it. i cant wait forever. waiting all summer time was enough.
now, well now im fucking OVER IT.
when your ready.. ill be waiting.





"you have so many good characteristics bre, you just have to not be afraid to show them."
i hate when people are right.

BOOO NIGGGAA!

everythings finally working out.
i knew it would.
a wise woman once told me, "for you to become strong you have to break down first"
<3



nothings gonna bring me down.

nothing can touch me.

i know im strong, i juss need the support of someone to help me get through this.
noones heping me though.
noone cares to help me.


im on my own on this one.
ill make it.

i never knew, i never knew that everything was falling through

i HATE trying to be strong, i hate walking around with a fake smile on my face. i hate telling people im okay when im screaming HELP ME on the inside.
i wish things were diffrent.

im having another mental breakdown.
i need help.

what happened?

what happened to me?
ive changed so much.
i miss the old me.
i need my old friends, i neeed the old me back.
fuck you and fucking with my emotions!
your the reason im so fuckedup in the head.
you made me this way.

i hate you.

i must confess im a mess.

im a emotianl wreck.
why am i such an emotional person?
i cant explain whats going on with me. i juss wish everything would finally work out for once. i hate crying, i hate thinkin. i over think. i think before i sleep, i think bad things. they cause me horrrrible dreams. i hate waking up crying, or waking up in a bad mood cause my dreams fuckedup my emotions.
i need a crutch, i need someone to hold me all together, i need stablity.
im falling apart slowly, nothings holding me together. im breaking slowly. noone's there to put me back together. im slippin through the cracks. nothings working, nooones helping.
im holding on, how much longer do i have to do this by myself?
im a strong girl, i have to keep my head up. ive been doing so good. ill be dammed if i quot now and thats forsure.


i juss wanna be in love. i want someone to love me for me. i want someone who can deal with me, and my mood swings. i want someone who wont leave me cause i wont give it up. i dont wanna be a sex toy, or a hookup. i wanna be in love for the first time. i want everyone to finally see what i have to offer. i cant do this anymore. im slowly giving up, but i dont want too. even the people who have hard time getting boyfriends/girlfriends are finally happy with thier boys/girls. i feel so alone. seeing my bestfriend with her boyfriend, and how happy she is. than seeing friends at school, or seeing people walking down the street holding hands and being all cute is like ajshfksajfha ughhh. i can be cute with a guy, i can give my boyfriend whatever he wants, i can make him happy. too bad nooone wants to take that offer. maybe its my personaitly. maybe its juss me and who i am that noone wants to be with. yeah im loud and obnixious and annoying sometimes, but when i need to be im shy, and quiet. i juss show my loud side more cause im still a kid. i dont wanna live my life all serious. i wanna have fun. i juss wish someone would like me for me. i dont want a boy to like me cause im "cute" or cause he thinks im gonna give it up. i want him to get to know me and know every detiail about me and than see if he still wants to be with me. what is honestly wrong with me?! i know im not perfect, no where near perfect. i juss want to know whats really wrong with me! like why is it that i cant be anything boys want?! i know im only 17 but fuck ive only had 2 boyfriends my whole fucking life and they didnt last over a month. i have friends, school and family to keep my occupied but sorry i juss want someone to actually love me for once. ive never been in love. i hear everyone talking about how its so amazing to be in love and its the most amazing feelin in the world blah blah blah and im sitting here like yeeeeah, ive never been in love so i dont know how that feels.. ):
i wish i wasnt such a fucking mess.

we aint gonna live forever

i hate being cute with a guy than finding out they have a girlfriendd AND a babymamma.
last night was intresting, least to say.
found a boy, too bad hes a thirsty idiot.
i hate boys. plain and simple.
i juss want a boy to want me for me, not for sex. not for a hookup, not for my body. for ME.
and im sick of hookups and guys telling me all this cute shit than leaving me when they dont get what they want.
FUCK THAT.
i didnt give it up, didnt do SHIT, wasnt be a slut. i was being cute. hopefully you see me for me and actually devolp feelings for me.
who knows.
knowing boys like you.. n e v e r gonna happen.
your all the fucking same.




i need to stop getting up for the let down
i juss..
i juss wish things werent so damn complicated.

we can juss pretend yeah yeah

me and vee arent friends anymore HAHAHAH
shes the biggest piece of shit i know and i hope to fucking god she knows it.
she used me, never "cared about me" and can give a fuck about me, so i DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU EITHER.




so in the past like weeek ive got called fat about uhmmmm 9 times.
this is overly ridiculous.
im NOT fat. but im not skinny. im juss chubby.
and what sucks is when someone you think cares about you calls you fat behind your back.
thanks alot dude.
fuck you tooo
i need to lose weight ): i cant though. my mom said i wont lose any cause thats juss how my body is.. she said her body was like that when she was my age. but now look at her shes TINY. i hope after i have a kid ill get skinny
i juss akflkafhas i dont even know.




on a happier note im going to haunt with a cute boy tonight and my friends<3
yayayayayayayaayay

common babyy we aint gonna live forever

things are going ALOT better :)
-im passing EVERY CLASS.
i went home sick today, but i got my work and todays the first day this year i went home early. weve only been in school a month though, ahahah.
-im going to haunt saturday with tino, tori, jesse, and thier friends and i have a boy to go with. a cute legit boy. and we are all going buzzzzzzzzed anf faded to haunt so it should be funnnnnn. ill probally be the only sober person there.
-im going shopping tommrow for a cute oufit.
-theres not that much drama in my life anymore.
things are juss slowly getting better.
i mean i missss a certian someone but he got his new girlfriend prego, HA! and eh. im slowly gettting over it.
some days im over him. other days im like asjfhaksf i miss him.
its complicated, juss like life is.
but at least im not down in the dumps anymore.



:)