put the blame on me.

why are things so hard now?
i wish things were easier.
i wish i didnt have all this stress on me.
i wish boys werent so stupid.
i wish i had my licences.
i wish i already graduated.
i wish i had a job.
i wish i had a car.
i wish i still made my parents proud.
i wish i still had you


:(

talk to me im torn.

i guess things are getting better?
im doing SO much better in school. im passing all my classes with a A or B.
im gonna apply for kohls by my house kinda cause there hiring. probally gonna do that this weekend.
im studying for my permit so i can get my licences before summer time.
and tori's not starting her cosmotolegy thingy till febuary so i get to see her as much as i want till than.
execpt shes gonna be with tino all saturday and some of sunday. hopefully i see her sundayyy. well ill see her tommrow after i get out of school. OH SHIT. its early day tommmrow :) yay. this weekend should be fun though. hotel with annie, and a illegal substances. hahahaha. i hope this weekend works out.

im going to homecomming with tori. <3
ive never been to a homecomming, prom or anything.
well i went to a winterformal like freshman year for a diffrent school. it was fun. but this homecomming will be amaaaaazing. i hope. and i already have my dress.

ah, i wanna go to haunt already. everyones going this weekend, and like nextweek. i wanna go in the middle of october like the 18th or something. i hope its me, tori, tino and jesse. or something. as long as its fun and i have someones hand to hold :[



the one boy i still wanna be with and like still has his girlfriend but theres rumors hes gonna break up with her, and i hate him but i miss him. i tell everyone i dont wanna see him but i do. ): thats the only thing i want is to see him. and i wanna be with him again, like finally be his but hes a cheaterr and i dont know! and he said he dosent like the way his girlfriends attached. i get attached ): i dont know. i juss want him back. fuhk. this is never gonna happen. oh well, a girl can dream right?
asfkjaklsfhalskfhas UGH.
i hate boys. im like not talking to anyone, and its weirddd. but i guess its good.
i juss cant wait to go to hemet the 24th till the 26th or something. 0o0oh weeee that'll be fun fun fun fun.



i wanna get in a fight so people will shutup about how im a pussy.
mmm. maybe ill get in a fight?! who knows.









i juss want everything to be okay for once.

after the things weve been though, i still want you.

why does life have to work like this?
things go so well for a little bit, than turn to shit, than go amazing again, than turn to shit?! why? like why?! soemone tell me why. i cant handle it. im too weak to handle all this stress and bullshit. i know im 17, but fuck. im not an adult yet. im still a baby. i juss wanna go back to the simople years, where i thought boys had cooties, for school all we had to do was color and take naps, and where i never got grounded cause i was the little innocent girl who never did anything wrong.
everythings so DIFFRENT now.

i played games for too long, and i lost the boy i was seeing.
im slipping in school, and its only the 4th week.
im grounded again, cause im slippin in school.
and i dont even know.
fuck this. im over it.
i juss wanna go to the river, or like somewhere far away.

im not gonna be with tori like all weekend, shes gonna be with tino.
this will be the first weekend in FOREVER i wont see her.
i wonder how im gonna handle it.
shes the only one im myself around, and the only one i like hanging out with.
everyone else can fuck off.



i hate this.
someone take me away): please.

i am 16, going on 17

only 5 more hours till my birthday, i dont know why im so excited to turn 17. i think its cause i get more freeedom, and im only a year away from being 18. AHHHH!
things are slowly starting to get better.
hemet was fun as fuhk. some drama, but it turned out alright. i wanna go back, like reallllly bad. =/ hopefully soon.
the boy i was intrested in is talking to someone, but the last time i saw him he was like all over me and being all cute with me, is this a sign?! doubt it.
the boy i want the most is single again, but i dont know if hes gonna go back to the girl :[ he needs to juss be mine again! ughhh. hopefully i see him wendsay?! i hope so. maybe goooood things will come out of it :}
i get my tattooo tommmrowww. so stoked. i need vidican though ): or something. i know its gonna hurt. FUUUUHHHKKK.
mmm, things are slwoly getting better, im trying to lose weighttt, im doin fucking amazing in school, and ima get a job & start studing for my licneses.
but i wanna boyfriend.. ew. i hate this. whatever, i have the people i need in life. so im happy.
AHH I CANT WAIT FOR HAUNTT! i know its gonna be me, tori, tino and i need a boy to go wiff, i got 2 boys in mind. idk, if itll work outtt. cause i wanna go wifff a boy to like protect me. but maybe theyll get girlfriends by than so i cant =/ or maybe one of them will start talking to me and illl be happy :) who knows. ima keep my head uppp. lifes life, things happen. im so happy things are getting bettttter, i juss need to learn to not break.

ladahahah.

at this moment in time in the happiest mother fucker ever.
:D
-leaving tommrow after school to hemet, ALLL weeekend.
gonnna kick it wifff tino, jesse and errryone else.
SO stoked.
-my birthdays comming up, 5 more days.
i get my tatttoo, & get to go to seaworld!
ive already got 100 dollars for my birthday, and thats only from one set of the grandparents.
-i made new friends.
-im getting more comfortable with my body now
-im doing SO fucking gooood in schooool.
like things are going to much better, and i cant complain.
lets juss hope this happiness lasts<3

when life gets you a thousands reason to frown, turn around and give a million reasons to smile.

i think TOOOO much sometimes..





i guess things are going okay now.
me and tori are still close as we were in summertime, even though were both at school. me and her boyfriend are cloooose too. he calls me his little sister, & i call him my big brother. i made a new fran jesse, im talking to a boy, my birthdays in 8 days and i get my tattoo, my nose repierced and my monroe percied.
BUT the bad things.
i miss the boy i liked before the boy i like right now.. im scared im not slip in school, i already made enemies at schoool who i KNOW will fuck me up, cause i dont fight, i like this boy but not that much to go out with him.. i keep finding things i dont like about him and i kinda like this other boy well im intrested in him but i dont know how he feels cause we juss became friends.


so i guess with the goood comes the bad.












the river was my get away, and now that im back in califorina i feel trapped.