i guess you could say

this summer was goood.
it had its ups & downs forsure but over all i had fun.
my summer constianted of tori, ciggerates, bpm, fooood, alcohol, more alcohol, & lame bullshit and boys
but hey i had fun.
i came close with certian people i never thought i would.
made enemies, & made friends.
so happy.

have so many gooood memories, laughs and cries to go along with evrything.
school starts on monday.
excited, nervous, but happy to go back
SENIOR YEAR! this years gonna be my year. i swear. no more distractions, no more fucking up.



ahh, so i guess getting fuckedover only makes you stronger? i mean at certian times i get sad but if i listen to certian music, & talk to certian people i get happy.
so i need to surround myself with goood energy.



lifes going how it should, with the ups and downs.<3

AGAIN?!

really? again? seriously? yeah. guesss what? got fucked over again. HA! ahh i love when this shit happens. but whatever, we talked and hes happy with her so i guess im happy? ugh. whatever. shit happens. its juss like ahh cause this shit ALWAYS happens to me. my bestfriends seeen my cry over too many boys, too many times. like i dont know what the fuck im doing wrong, there MUST be something im not doing right. the only fucking thing ive EVER done right was meet tori and keep her for this long.. i juss dont wanna lose her to her new boyfriend. like she left me for vince and she promised me she wouldnt leave me for tino but who knows. i guess i just have to be happy for her. i mean dont get me wrong, i am. like she hasnt smiled this much in so long but im scared shes gonna juss pack up her bags and leave me by myself. weve been attached at the hip for so long that if she leaves its like im not myself anymore. i dont know. im probally jusss trippin right now.
ahh, than afer this whole getting fucked over thing happened i found out that my "GOOOD FRIEND" is probally gonna go out or is seeing the ONE AND ONLY guy i have everrrr fell in love with. what the fuck is that? it sucks cause ive called her crying about him too many times. fuck this.
oh and to top things off my grandpa had a heartattack and my great aunt who i love more than anything has some fucked up disease that made her turn yellow and shes basically slowly dying.
ive never had a death in my family since i was born and if this happens i dont know how im gonna handle it. im scared of death and knowing the people i care the most about are dying juss kills me. i need to be strong for them.


the only good thing thats happened in the past couple of days was seeing brandi.
she looks so gooood without her braces. i missed her more than anything and i guess when some guy started calling her drop dead gorgoues i said yeah shes my bestfriend and when tori called me out on it i was like wtf? cause we arent bestfriends anymore. shes more than one to me. we might not talk anymore. or hangout like we use too but shes still the mommy that takes care of me. i love her soo much. i jusss want things to go back to how they use to be. with everyone ):

:(

and just when i thought everything was going okay it turns to shit again.




nothings going right, and i fucking hate it.
i need to get away.
someone take me away.
pleaseee):
i fucking hate crying

iiii only date boys wid tattooooooos

so ive been with tori EVERYDAY for like the last month and a half, 2 months. execpt 2 times. my mom and her mom talk and they both said, "there attached at the hip" but hey fuck it. were BESTFRIENDS. ahh my birthdays almost here. itll be like 3, or 4 years of being bestfraans with that dumbass<3 ahhh. speaking of my birthday im almost 17. wooo. im still a baby though. oh welll. i cant wait for my tattoo :)))


i cant wait for sunday!!!!!
double date with tori, her boy, and my boy.
were going to the beach to watch the sunset.
everytime i think about it i get buttterflies.
hopefully shit works out ):
if not, oh well. at least tori and her man are working 0ut.
and thats all i care about.






ahhhh, i cant explain thee mooood ive been in.
but hey, im happpyyyyyy<3 yayayaya

its a revlation a moment of clarityyy.

ahhh, last night i couldnt stop smiling.
those texts made me smile so much i swear my face like almost ripped offf.
askhflakfhasfja :]
im trying not to like him, but i mean hes like i dont know.. i cant explain it.
im happy though.
i cant wait for tuesday. he comes home and i get to see him again.




KASLSFA AHHHHHHHHH!
i get my first tattoo on my birthday which is in less than a month.
im so excited.
its gonna be "daddys little girl" in script writting with a heart and our birthday under cause we have the same birthday.
he said i can. my moms not too happy but fuck it. im so excited. AHHH.
im getting it on my upper back :)
yayayayaya. dammmmm. im kinda nervous too. i hope it dosent hurt, but it will. ha.






i love the way things are going <3

your a waste of time. i hate you now, so go away from me. your gone. i can do better.

one word i can say right now.
WOW.
this couple of days have been fucking amazing. like ohmygod. i dont know why but like everythings starting to get sososososos much better. and im not complaining. i like it :)
i met this kid name damien and hes seriously the sweeeetest, funniest kid EVER.
he gave me a couple of pennies, and we made wishes and threw them in the fountation at the buena park mall.
and i swear to god, there comming true!
i stopped talking to the boy i thought i was in love with. the boy i waited forever for. the boy i thought i wanted to be with. he HATES me now. and suprisingly i dont care. im like over it. he cant bring me down. words wont hurt me. the only reason hed talk shit about me is cause i broke his heart. but okieeee, thats cool. whatever. shit happens. maybe eventually hell get over it and well be friends again. if not.. his lose right? yeeeeeeeep.
mmm so theres this guy and well long story short.
hes HOTTTT as fuck. i heard he called me ugly. i asked him cause he wanted me to send him a picture of him. [ not a slutty one ] and he said nahh i never said that and hes blunt as fuck so he woulda told me if he did and we like flirt and he told one of my friends mmm actually my bestfriend when he seees me again which will be verrrry soon that hell let her know if he likes me. so im hoping shit works outtt :) i dont know though. blahh. gota keeep my head up.


so guess what?!
TORIKNOCKOUT BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF KA!LEYR!OT.
ahahahahaa
bitch talked shit and got hit.
fuuuuuunyyyy shit.
cant stop laughing.



im actually content :)

with understanding comes with a change of heart.

the boy i waited so long for gave up on me.
the 4 months of no hookups, no liking boys, nothing was a WASTE.
oh welll, at least i know now. i guess.




things are getting worse but better at the same time.
i guess its life?! yeah.
im gonna let things ride out and see what happens.


this summer hasnt been as amzing as i thought, but oh well.
im gonna make this last month something to rememberrrrr.