Everything is falling apart and i dont know what to do with myself.
im breaking down, im having a nervous breakdown and i have noone to talk to.

If i die young

Ive been thinking alot, about everything.
i need a new group of friends, or something new.
the same old thing isnt always the best.
i mean, i got my bestfriends, and the homies i kick it with.
but i dont got that one group i kick it wtih everyday, that new group who knows nothing about me, or my past. who will accecpt me for me, and love me for me. and not my flaws, or anything.
time to go find a new group of friends..
and i kinda wish my bestfriend wasnt taken, not juss so we can hangout with boys, but for the simple fact itd be me and her alll day, everyday, wed be free to do as we please. but shes happpy, so its okay.
i need a guy bestfriend who knows everything about me, someone who knows who i am, and loves me for me, someone i can hangout with everydaaaaay, and not catch feeelings for, juss someone to be there when i need them.
i use to have that person, but that ones loooong gone. i have my girl bestfriend. i juss needa guy bestfriend.. a REAL one. not one who i call "bestie" someone real, someone i can love and be myself around.

I WANT HAPPINESSS.
i think it but its leaving me.. and i think i made a mistake, well find out soooon.
i juss wish this happiness stayed around for a little longer.
but i guess if it did, id get hurt a little more.
fuck.
:/ i juss want complete happinessssss.

Love made me blind.

I guess all good things come to an end.
but fuckit, its time to ride solo :)
not giving a fuck about anyone or anythinggggg anymore.
ima do me.
i guess yesturday and today made me relaize alot.
life is way to short to get mad and hate people, and to care & trip about stupid things. i guess things happen for a reason and i just gotta be stronggg.


i love you grandpa, RIP<3

I guess you could say everything is going quite smoothly :)
i got the job at macys, im juss waiting for an opening so i can start. im stoked as fuck on that. finally got a job, and now gonna have my own money to do things, then hopefully gonna get an appt with veeeeee! now i juss have to study to get my permit, then when i get it i gotta wait like 2 weeks then get my license and i already got a car i juss gotta get my damn licneseee!
and im talking to the cutest boy in the world. like, i cant remember the last time ive liked a boy this muuuuuuuch. like, he holds my hand when hes driving, he tells me how cute i am even when im juss sitting there, he calls me cute names, he holds me, and kisses me, my head and my cheeeeck. i havent gotten butterflies from someone juss looking at me in forever, and thats how i feeel about him. hes got his life together too, hes got a GOOOOD job, a car, and i know he can take care of me. i really hope it works. if not, you know there's always other fish in the sea i guess. ha.
i havent been this happy in a while, i guess making wishes on 11:11 do come true :p

Somethings will never change.

my new perspetive on life is fuck what everyone thinks, if im not getting what i want / deserve ima walk the fuck away, and never look back and go find something that I think is better and if im wrong about that too ima keep walking away till i find EXACTLY what im looking forrrr.
i deserve the fucking world, and im not gonna count on anyone to give it to me, ima get it myself.
:)

I need to let you go, but i cant.
theres something holding my back from not wanting to let you go.
maybe its cause im still in love with you.

:( i dont want anyone but you but well never be how we were.
im stuck.
im fucked.
im going crazy.